I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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