Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
