how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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