So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
