The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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