smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
