I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
