i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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