On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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