You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
