And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
