my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
