i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
