I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
