dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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