Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
