i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
