I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
