remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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