Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's great music for shaving your balls
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theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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