You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
