her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
