2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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