Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
