I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
