Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
