Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
