Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
