you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
