Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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