they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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