So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
