well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
