Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
