My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize