My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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