pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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