You can't special order awesome
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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