and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
