I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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