sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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