I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
