Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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