ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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