yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
