Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
