sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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