i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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