Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
