I love black thongs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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