You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
