have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
