Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
