We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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