I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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