So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
