Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
