Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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