So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
