the day after is always just damage control
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
