I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
