I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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