i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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