I am in a vortex of obligation.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
