You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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