wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
