Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
