I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
