We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
