oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
